Two-Spirit Trans Butch Dyke...

I am really feeling empowered and strengthened. Granted, I crashed my Harley this a.m, but I am alive and bruised to tell about it.
I am feeling more secure in my two-spirit, more acknowledged...I am working with our new medical director at the hospital, Dr. Anthony Dekker, who is coming from the Indian Health Center in Arizona. He told me a story about two-spirits, and how they are acknowledged, encouraged and respected as to be "who they are" from the start (children). He is the first person I think that has just really been "ok" with me, just the way I am, without explanation or shame, or whatever. They treat more transgendered at the health clinic then anywhere else, because it is culturally acceptable. WOW! I am strengthened and delighted. I also do not feel so all alone, feeling Native on the inside and looking white on the outside (mixed blood). I think he is too. He is not put off by my blue eyes and white skin. I am Shoshone, Iroquois, French and Irish.
But, I do not hold a BIA number, as my great grandmother died in childbirth, and the children (2) were separated and handed off to different families to take care of. My last name is an adopted name of some farming family in Birch Run. They took in my grandfather (the birth child when she died), to help run the farm. Not alot of love in this family...in fact, an overwhelming amount of sexual, physical, verbal abuse and alcoholism.

AA rocks

I love the fact that I am still alive...folks that I went through initial beginnings of my recovery...are now dealing with brain, pancreatic and lung cancer...still smoking, still drinking,,,had a difficult time dealing with personal issues and never did deal. I am very thankful for my desire to surrender and knowingness that all things do pass...good and bad, but to make the most of today...creator, thanks! Mitakuye Oyasin...thanks for making me Irish and Indian :)

time for gratitude...always

Sometimes, the snow gets in the way...the cold makes us shiver....we push the snow out of our way and cover ourselves up to keep warm...be grateful for the state of mind to be able to take care of self...and hopefully you have some left over to take care of your family and your community. Lend a hand.....pay it forward...it never hurts. Smile, just for the fun of it. Today, is a day like no other...make the most of it!

Up and feeling better!!

Wow, head colds are a trip...felt like I had a fever all day yesterday, chills, etc. but, when I got home from work, I was "normal"...ok, no comments on that.
I can't wait to hook up with Dykes on Bikes, plan our adventures for the summer, and just sit around and BS...great times, great women!
I am so happy to be a dyke. Now, a dyke in full blown menapause...but, really, wasn't that the deal all along??? tee hee!
All dykes should have an in-service about this...it resembles early recovery, at its finest. At least for me, horrible mood swings, crying, laughing, sweating (sometimes changed 3 full sets of clothes in a night and the sheets), making stories up about loved ones, low self-esteem, and all the while, knowing it is all "not real." just hormones fucking with me. (and with everyone else). I have mucho gratitude to my life partner, who just keeps rowing the boat, and knows..."this too shall pass!" I love 12-step peeps, and 12-step friendly peeps. Life, one moment at a time.
Got my taxes done, and e-filed! Good returns this year...beats paying out my butt like I did last year...well, not really...I made them wait until the returns this year. Not that they liked that or anything. But, it worked for me.
Gratitude...spring is right around the corner...I have my flight set for New Orleans...conference time...yeah! I am grateful that my mind is clearer today.

gratitude in the face of a serious bad mood

Fucking dogs had me up all night. I am sick and tired of it. Sore throat and I do not feel good. Now I am exhausted. what fucking fun.
But, on a gratitude note.
I have a job.
I have two sons that love me and I love them.
I have a partner who is true.

Proud Dyke...

My sweetness is going to get her hair done...:) always makes me happy...I love when she "applies" lipstick...very hot!!! Her manicure and pedicure is complete and looks gorgeous...of course an eyebrow waxing to make it all perfect...
Now, for me...Butched out dyke that I am...loves a power femme that knows her stuff! Oh yeah! I have alot of gratitude for being a butch, a dyke, etc..one of the elite: Dykes On Bikes, and happy to have two son's who rock! I am so, so proud of these guys, its crazy!!! Amazing, full of creativity, smarts, and good looks! Yowzer!!!
I put in my two weeks notice at the stable. I am done with mucking. I am going to make money a different way... :)
I want to take the motorcycle mechanics class at WCC...learn everything, from welding, etc. yippeee! I also want to learn tattooing. oh yeah, and lost wax process of jewelry making.
I am happy.
I am content...
taxes have been dropped off. :)
call backs have been made...
Time to make/create more money...
That's my middle name...I am very good at that...:)
If you are reading this, take a moment to thank the great mystery for your life today...just for this moment!

Yep...seeking self, gratitude is always my attitude.

Hopefully, I can see through all the days and nights of trying to figure myself out. Of course, I am clean and sober today...having great conversations about trans/butch/dyke...etc. The difference in attitude, how one presents in the world, questions continue and hopefully the conversation never ends. No one, but no one should be criticized for living and being who they are. Feminism is real, but not all women born women fly this flag at full staff.
It is an interesting conversation.